071: Your Hurt Doesn't Have to Keep Hurting

I was in a setting recently where I heard it said that,

"Hurt people; hurt people."

That could be true about a portion of the hurt you carry in your life.

It's like the pay-it-forward concept only this time someone weaponized their personal pain or conflict and unloaded it on you and/or other unsuspecting people.

Life would be so much better if personal hurt was kept...well...personal.

But unfortunately hurt is something that's passed person to person and occasionally generation to generation.

Like an emotional domino effect, hurt and pain crash into us, knock us down, and for some reason, get picked up and carried like burden we feel somehow responsible to bear.

Before you take on more hurt or pass yours onto someone, it's essential that you analyze the hurt you carry and determine to let it go

Letting go and moving on is an ultimate act of grace.

In moments of self-assessment it would do you good to identify the hurt you carry and (according to its nature) begin the healing process.

• Are you wounded?
• Is it a wake-up call?
• Are you a willing participant?

If your hurt is a wound - seek healing

Some hurt is a flesh-wound...a small scrape on the surface of your emotions.

Other hurt is more serious...like a gaping wound that infects your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being if you ignore healing.

Wounds get your attention but they don't have to dominate your attention.

That is, unless you're one of those types that like to nurse-a-grudge having developed an affinity for pain and suffering.

Untended wounds have a way of festering.

They can also become cards you play when you want the upper hand in a relationship or a conversation.

But why?

Healing lifts you while wounds weigh you down with the potential for worsening.

• Tend to your wounds by evaluating their impact on your well-being.
• Talk about your wounds to clarify the who, what, when, and why.
• Take the time to let yourself heal without taking your wounds out on someone else.

If your hurt is a wake-up call - own your part in it

Some hurt can be a conviction or a correction.

Those are wake-up calls of sorts that give you a reason to ask yourself if you have any responsibility for a particular hurt in your life.

• Allow conviction to occur if necessary - its better to own it now than to let denial drive you further from those who are players in your hurt.
• Accept responsibility for your role in the hurt you feel - but do not own or unnecessarily carry hurt that doesn't have your name on it.
• Acknowledge the corrective work that must take place - healing a hurt takes time...and tenacity.

If you're a willing participant in your hurt - work at letting it go

Not all hurt is caused by others.

Sometimes your hurt is self-inflicted or the pain you feel is due to your willing participation.

Hurt will follow you if you continue to martyr yourself on the alter of someone else's unhealthy emotional state.

Without sounding callous - that's their issue not yours!

The hurt inflicted on you by others requires their own personal due diligence to own them, heal from them, and refuse to keep spreading the infection to others.

• Work on yourself to be better equipped to recognize what is your issue in the hurt and what is not.
• Work out an agreement with those you've hurt or been hurt by to keep the past in the past and to protect the future from estrangement or unforgiveness.
• Work at letting the hurt go while understanding that some hurts are sticky and require you to wash your hands of participating any further.

Hurt can hinder but it can also be healed when you...

• Treat the wound
• Wake up to your responsibility (or lack of) in the hurt
• Work at letting it go

And if necessary, seek professional help if the hurt becomes overwhelming to the point of despair or disruption to your health and well-being.

Press on...

Eddie