060: Estrangement Feels Strange Because, Well, It Is

There have been countless songs written about love and relationships.

And many contain lyrical content something along the lines of "love hurts."

If you've ever loved someone (and it's highly likely that you have and do currently love someone or a number of someones...deeply) you can vouch that love does indeed hurt on occasion.

The love hurts chorus is especially painful when your love remains consistent but the other person (or persons) isn't reciprocating.

Could be an adult child, a grandchild, a sibling, a parent or step-parent and even a grandparent.

The pain of estrangement is real.

And while really painful it's also multi-layered mess of hard-feelings, resentment, past mistakes, lack of forgiveness - you name it.

Estrangement is a vast relational gap that while painful can be bridged with understanding and proper release

I know people who have been estranged from their loved ones and those who are currently experiencing the pain of estrangement.

Such an awareness routinely challenges my own capacity for patience, compassion, and good-mojo for those who choose not to cross the chasm and do the hard work of reconciliation.

But keeping it real and relational, I'm convinced that if you're willing to bridge the gap you can find a path to resolution by assessing the nature of the gap and beginning the process of meeting your loved one in the middle.

• If its a time gap you can restart the clock
• If its a tension gap you can release the pressure
• If its a testing gap you can own your responsibility

Restart the clock on time gaps that have created estrangement

Some estrangement issues are the result of being out of touch, out of synch, or simply out of energy.

Your relational clock might be telling you that it's time to reach out and reconnect.

I'm thinking about those relationships that were once vibrant, you had their back they had yours.

Time was an invested because you had proximity or a passion for togetherness.

Location, affinity, or choosing to move on has created a chasm of disconnection.

Might not qualify for the deeper emotions associated with estrangement - but you've grown apart nonetheless.

• Realize that your relationship is an accumulation of momentary experiences - replay them.
• Reevaluate why you grew apart.
• Recommit some time to restore the relationship.

Release the pressure on the tension gaps that have caused estrangement

The tension gap is responsible for a high percentage of estranged relationships.

Something was said.

Something was done.

Something was forgotten.

Something was unresolved.

Something was unforgiven.

Tension builds until the only foreseeable way through it is to separate from it - in that case, from you!

The thing about estrangement caused by relational tension is that the pressure doesn't diminish.

If you're experiencing estrangement because of some unresolved issue in your relationship that pressure expands in its impact - on you, your spouse or significant other, your other children or grandchildren, basically anyone in your circle feels it.

• Release the pressure by first identifying the root cause of the tension between you.
• Release the pressure by choosing to own your role in the tension instead of playing the victim through blaming.
• Release the pressure by taking the first step towards reconciliation.

Reclaim responsibility for the testing gaps that have forced estrangement

Estrangement doesn't happen overnight.

Nor does reconciliation, forgiveness, or whatever is necessary to heal the relationship.

Estranged relationships are healed over time.

Bridging relational gaps is a process.

• Revisit the root cause of your estrangement.
• Take responsibility for your part in the estrangement.
• Talk openly, honestly, and fairly about the gap in your relationship.

Estrangement might be a deeply rooted issue for you.

And keep this in mind as you work through the estrangement matrix: forgiveness, reconciliation, and healing could require professional help to close the gap.

However you would define the gap of estrangement you're experiencing make the first essential move to cross the relational chasm

• Restart the clock - time heals.
• Release the pressure - tension can be released.
• Reclaim your responsibility - testing can be resolved.

For what it's worth - I'm in your corner and feel your pain.

Press on...

Eddie