051: Bring Forward What You’ve Put Behind You - the Next Generation Could Use Your Wisdom

Pay it forward or bring it forward.

The key is forward.

The topic of experience and wisdom is mentioned a lot around here.

Frankly, if you're in the sweet-spot of our PGL (Personal Growth and Longevity) tribe's age range (late 40's and beyond) you've gathered plenty of valuable experience and wisdom.

But that doesn't mean that your bad experiences and the wisdom you’ve hopefully gained are something you want to remember much less bring up for discussion.

A recent conversation reminded me that unpacking the "sins" of our past can make one defensive and create unproductive feelings of shame.

(I do believe shame can be incredibly productive if it produces change and becomes a useful teaching point for others. But that's another topic for discussion.)

It's vital that you bring your experiences and gained wisdom forward because the younger generation is starved for it.

As we've covered in previous content - you must bring some self-awareness into how you share your accumulated experience and wisdom.

The greater issue is the fear that opening the door to the skeletons in your closet will give license to those lacking the maturity to deal with the bones of your past.

I'm talking primarily to those of you who are now in the second-half era of parenting your adult children as they're now parenting their own kiddos.

Parenting is freakin' hard!!

And grand parenting or being a significant adult figure with limited influence from the sidelines can be exhausting in its own right.

With that in mind - I'll go out on a limb here with a challenging idea for you.

You risk wasting beneficial influence when you fail to face what you've learned from your past and not bringing your gained wisdom forward

This assumes that you have strong self-awareness and that you want to be proactive with your influence as you build your legacy.

It's far easier (yet riskier) to leave the lil' rebels to find out for themselves.

Why not bring forward some of that early angst and those regretful decisions you made and position yourself for greater influence as a parent, grandparent, friend, or significant adult figure.

• Leading with understanding instead of judgement
• Building up without overburdening
• Equipping rather than abandoning

Seek to understand before trying to be understood

There's a temptation to bombard those in your circle of influence (children, grandchildren, etc) with a barrage of "shouldn'ts" - as in…"you shouldn't do this or that."

And while those shouldn'ts might be in their best interest - who wants to be should-ed into anything?

The better approach is leading with "help me understand..."

This gets to the deeper "why" that could be driving a particular behavior or action.

And seeking to understand paves the way for being understood (where your experiences and wisdom become useful).

It's easy to jump to conclusions without first assessing the situation.

As you age, give yourself credit for being wiser by nature.

Age ratchets up your credibility...but only if you start from a position of understanding will your guidance and wisdom be productively understood.

Build bridges that span generational divides

Bridging generational chasms requires great intuition.

It starts by shifting the commonly held narrative that typically begins with: "Today's young people...!"

However, you reflexively complete that sentence reveals much about whether you're a bridge builder or a fault-finder.

Building bridges cycles back to (first) seeking to understand.

Whether you're 46, 56, 66, or more you've likely had the thought - "It's gotta be tough to be a kid these days..."

The chasm has widened on what's acceptable and tolerable - making bridge building all the more challenging.

But if you're a parent, grandparent, or significant adult figure in someone's life it's your golden responsibility to be available and relevant to their challenges.

You once stood at the chasm between childhood, adolescence, and adulthood.

You crossed the divide but not after crashing a few times...am I right?

• How did you pick up the pieces?
• Are you still picking up the pieces...and how's that going?
• What or who helped you pick up the pieces?

Those questions assume there's hope and help.

Be that!

Be a resource for providing limitless support and solutions

I try to live by the mantra that "everything is figure-out-able."

Influence and legacy thrives on being resourceful and solution-focused.

It's easy to counter the failings and wanderings of your children, grandchildren, or another dependent child or teen with negative scripting...

"You always.." or "you never..." isn't a resourceful, supportive, or solution-centric response.

It's essential to live on the solution side of their challenges, failures, and wanderings.

• They will fail (you did and you still do)!
• They have the potential to recover (hopefully you did or are in the process of doing so)!
• They can learn from their failures (you hopefully have and can continue to do so)!

There's resourceful, supportive, and solution-focused wisdom in those words.

After all, isn't that what influence and legacy are about?

Remember...you've been there and what you've carried forward has the potential to create positive outcomes on the generations to follow (especially those in your circle of influence)

• Leading with understanding eliminates judgement
• Building bridges creates a way through the challenges
• Being solution-focused redirects your energy away from failures

Press on...

Eddie