048: The 3 Rs of a Resilient Life
Are you old enough to remember the 3 R's?
If you're not...well, ask a parent (or someone over the age of 50).
Dating back to the 19th century, the 3 Rs refer to what for all these years formed the basics of our educational system.
Reading...wRiting...ARithmetic
The ultimate test of a solid educational experience revolved around those fundamentals - and for all practical purposes it still does in one form or another.
But what about a solid life experience?
Now that you're nearing or in the thick of your second half era of life what's the test (so to speak) of your personal growth and longevity capacity as you age?
I've created my own personal curriculum of life basics.
And yes...staying on theme...you could call them the 3 Rs of resilient living in your second-half era of life.
These undeniable aging dynamics are somewhat of a consistent test of your life experience.
You'd be hard pressed to find anyone who's lived without their fair share of each of these Rs.
Reality-Regret-Resolve form the basics of a resilient life
Those 3 Rs essentially revolve around three common narratives:
- "Why me…" realties
- "If only..." regrets
- "Why not..." resolve
You can choose your response to each.
Confront reality instead of retreating from it
Life educates you as long as you're breathing.
Much of life's curriculum includes a lot of reality-based coursework.
"You always planned to do something. Write a screenplay. Travel. Start a business. Approach a possible mentor. Launch a movement. Well, now something has happened - some disruptive event like a failure or an accident or a tragedy. Use it." - Ryan Holiday1
Think about these reality-confronting take-aways from Holiday's quote:
- You make plans (take action on them)
- Your plans are disrupted (accept that it happened)
- You have a choice (use the disruption to your advantage)
You can't escape reality - life is full of it on a daily basis.
But you can use it and ultimately grow through it!
Deal with regret instead of explaining it away
Regret becomes an excuse when you fail to let it instruct you.
It's easy to explain our regrets away and wind up no better than we were before we made the regrettable decision.
Author, Daniel Pink did a fascinating deep dive into the subject of regret.
His World Regret Survey used the largest sampling ever obtained of American attitudes about regret.
He collected regrets from more than 16,000 people in 105 countries.
His conclusions revolve around this insightful perspective:
"No regrets. You've heard people proclaim it as a philosophy of life. That's nonsense, even dangerous. Everybody has regrets. They're a fundamental part of our lives. And if we reckon with them in fresh and imaginative ways, we can enlist our regrets to make smarter decisions,...and deepen our sense of meaning and purpose."2
Any regrets you need to deal with?
- Admit them
- Own them
- Be guided by them...next time around
Awaken your resolve instead of sitting on the sidelines
Personal resolve creates movement.
And movement - literal or figurative - is essential to aging well.
The powerful thing about resolve is that it taps into the strength and resilience you've gained through the years.
You're stronger, more capable, and better equipped to deal with second-half living than you might think you are.
"We can't be brave in the big world without at least one small safe place to work through our fears and falls." - Brene' Brown3
Perhaps you've stayed in the "safe-place" of the sidelines long enough.
- Long enough to resolve that you will no longer fear what's next
- Long enough to resolve that a figurative (or literal) "fall" is an event not a verdict
It's in the "working through" (as Brown confirms) that we awaken our resolve to step once again into the "big world" in which we are aging - full of fresh resolve.
Resilience is earned as you’re schooled in the basics…and school’s always in session
- Confront your your life’s realities
- Deal with your regrets
- Awaken your resolve
Press on…
Eddie
Sources:
1 - The Obstacle is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials Into Triumph
2 - Daniel H. Pink, The Power of Regret: How Looking Backward Moves Us Forward
3 - Rising Strong: The Reckoning. The Rumble. The Revolution